deviant ART

Joyfully I watch him run
Everything else - somewhat numb
My sole desire is to bring him joy
And to help him find
Joy on his own

I stumble through each day
Falling over
my own good intentions
Blame and regret already in less that 9 years!
Got to stop it but don't know how
I'm grey and weak
Ineffectual
Trying to teach things I know little about
Feeling like a hypocrite when I try too hard
Feeling like a looser when I can't try anymore

Old and tired
is how my reflection defines me
Does he
see me this way too?
Forgetful and stressed
This wasn't the plan
Two poor and lonely little idiots
With their illness and stuffed animals and dirty rug
As their only companions
I try to lift him up
as high as I can
It's not high enough